So basically, it is a saturday night and I've just been offered an amazing new job after a seemingly endless hunt, and my loving boyfriend has his first day off in approximately 7 years. And how are we celebrating this joyous occasion? Well, with the both of us being mild alcoholics, myself being irish, and him spending quite alot of time with me, drinking would have been my first guess. But no...sitting in complete silence each tapping on our respective laptops from the opposite corners of the livingroom.

To be honest, this is driving me slightly mad, I punctuate the silence regularly with loud sighs, mild swearing, and constant accusatory 'IM BORED's. The old bastard is ignoring me completely. I may be forced to throw a plate at his head. And I would be entirely blameless. Any jury in the world would aquit under the circumstances.

Now dont get me wrong, we both work in pubs, and I met him after he finished work lastnight, and we did have a few beers, which ended up with me insulting his mother, him huffing like a big kid, and I woke up at 5am in the spare room, listening to traditional Irish music. Neither of the two of us could pinpoint exactly what happened, but weve just agreed I probably said something offensive or derogatory, because, well I usually do.

You actually wouldnt believe how much trouble my huge flapping crater of a mouth gets me in. I have in fact been beaten up numerous times on account of my saying things I shouldnt to people I shouldnt.

Most recently I had a run in with an off duty female bouncer, over my friend crying in the toilet, she also has an unstoppable mouth and I think told the bouncer to 'do wan' through her tears and snotters and was rewarded with a good punch in the nose. I, being the knight in shining armour that i am, chased after said assailant who was huge, hairy, and at least twice my age and neck measurements. After my enquiries as to what age she was to be hitting a 20 year old girl and being answered in a way much similar to my friend, I decided I was a hard woman of some sort, and would not be taking any shite from any he-she, I think this was probably the Stella taking over. I believe I used the phrase 'go on....hit me again big woman... hit me again..' I suppose she was merely complying with my wishes but the pseudowoman - half moustache and half fist she was, busted my nose and lip. At this stage I remembered that I wasnt a hard woman at all and started to cry. Just to make myself look like more of an idiot.

So basically..even tho at this stage of the evening I want to gnaw on my own arm just to break up the monotomy of this saturday night, its probably better for everyone concerned if I keep stuum.